Your heart was not created to endure love that starts and
then ends. We were not created for broken relationships. And yet, here we are.
Ever since the Garden when the first relationship was severed: the Creator and
the created.
We’ve likely all been subject to relationships that end. I
don’t just mean relationships that have been broken from divorce or death.
Friendships end too, whether dissipated or deliberate.
As I write this, I will openly admit that my heart is
broken. Not from a breakup. But because I am in a season of life where things
are changing. Rapidly. My life looks new every day and with that comes a change
in the cast of characters involved.
Some people have slowly become shadows along with the
memories of them. I understand
that often things fade out to make room for new growth but I have to say,
growing pains hurt.
After evaluating some changes in friendships, I sat
wondering why it even mattered to me. There are many people who love me, call
me, snapchat me, hang out with me. Yet, my heart focuses on those that no
longer do. I felt like an idiot even wasting my time thinking about it. Why?
There are two things you must know about me that may shed
some light:
1) I am a good friend.
Partially because I am intentional and caring but mostly
because I wedge myself into people’s lives. It is not in my nature to take “no”
for an answer. Therefore, if I think you’re worthwhile, I will pursue you as a
friend, in the least stalkerish way possible.
2) I am a zealot.
Whether in love or in hate, I do all things
with zeal. I don’t ever do things in the middle. If I love you, I freaking
love you. If I see something wrong, I will be the person to write a strongly
worded letter or disavow a brand name.
Basically, I’m a Hufflepuff: loyal and just.
As fierce as I pretend to be, I am fragile.
I don’t want loss to jade me; to make me lose my zeal or
tenderness.
I have a wonderful husband. Almost every night before bed he
whispers “Your God and your husband will never leave you.” I don’t say this to
make you throw up from romantic gush but to ask, why is that even significant?
It’s significant because we live in a world where people leave. Not out of
spite or cruelty, but out of the nature of our brokenness. This is why the
Gospel story is so impactful. It tells of a Love that Pursues and then a Love
that Stays. Jesus Christ drew near and then endured. It’s something I highlight
when telling people about Jesus because it’s countercultural.
So in the midst of our hurting one another, we are made holy. “…All the broken and dislocated pieces of the universe—people and things, animals and atoms—get properly fixed and fit together in vibrant harmonies, all because of his death, his blood that poured down from the cross.” Colossians 1:20 (MSG)
If you relate, I pray that you seek healing. Whether it be from a person you’ve lost a relationship with or just with the Lord – heal. Cease striving. Move on. But, by all means, allow yourself to hurt and feel and know that you are not silly or dumb or childish for feeling like you’re holding onto people that aren’t holding onto you.
