...Online Date

In follow up to my post a few weeks ago about dating, I have a confession to make: I tried online dating.

In our highly technological culture, I suppose this is not such a great admission. In fact, my sister and brother-in-law met on Match.com. Because of their success (and my new-found confidence in "dating"), I decided to give it a try.

My search was futile (which turned out to be a really good thing so stay tuned for that). However, in my short experience, I saw so much go wrong. Not because the online-dating concept is skewed; but because of the way people chose to portray themselves. Anyone who knows me well knows I am incredibly careful about my word choice because we choose the way present ourselves to people.

Dear friends, should you decide to create an online-dating profile, please do so according to my own 10 Commandments of Online Dating:

1) Thou shalt not include the number 69 in your username

I don't care if you inherited your dad's mint '69 Chevy or if Bryan Adams is your favorite artist - it's suggestive and creepy and you should choose another identifier. (And if you were born in 1969 then you're too old for me and this is irrelevant.)

2) Thou shalt not call out another specific user in your profile 

I'm not kidding: some guy wrote "prettygirl85, please respond to my messages - did you get them?"  He could have been a great guy! And his dream girl could have been out there but obviously, I'm not going to continue to explore his profile because he's already blocked me out.

3) Thou shalt not include a photo of you playing video games in your profile

It's not cool. It's not interesting. It doesn't make me want to spend an evening with you watching you play WOW.

4) Thou shalt not overuse words like "adventure" "laid back" etc...

I do like adventure. I do like relaxed people. However, not everyone can be these things though everyone claims to be them. It's actually statistically impossible (my credentials as a statistician will be available at a later date) so these words become diluted fillers. 

5) Thou shalt not specify "no drama"

To be fair, no one LIKES drama. So boys, I understand this. First, girls that ARE drama, aren't going to identify themselves as such. That being said, all girls are 50 shades of cray (patent pending). You may as well be saying "I don't want a girlfriend". Guys, just know - there ARE women out there that won't cause you extra heartache because we have good heads on our shoulders. But that, by no means, means we're not dramatic. 

6) Thou shalt not talk about your ex 

We haven't even met. But I now know that you and your ex dated for 6 years and she dumped you for your brother and stole your cat. No. Just...no.

7) Thou shalt not spell "boy" as "boi" 

It's not 2003 anymore. Period.

8) Thou shalt not acknowledge seeing people you know on the site 

Living in a small town, it's inevitable that you stumble upon profiles of people you know. Namely, coworkers (yes, my life is that awkward). It is a law that we must not acknowledge the fact that we know the other is desperate enough to seek a mate on the interwebs.

9) Thou shalt not bear false witness against your future paramour 

Ok so this one's kind of an actual commandment too but seriously...why would lying about who you are make someone like you more?

10) Thou shalt not send stock emails
Literally, my friend got a copy and pasted elaborate email. It's not personal, it doesn't show interest, it doesn't show that you read the profile at all. Take 2 minutes out of your busy schedule and ask a question. It's not that hard, people.

Hopefully, this short list will help you navigate the the online dating world with a little more grace. Even if I'm no longer a part of it (sorry, fellas). 

Also, here's a gem from one of my favorite blogs: [IMG] Insert Image.

...Not Have Your Act Together

Today was part of an anomaly I like to call "Get Your Act Together Tuesdays." Most people are familiar with the phenomenon "Case of the Mondays", however, Mondays aren't such an issue for me. Mondays require A-game. I take extra time to prepare for Mondays, remembering that I have to get up early again. I always have events going on after work on Mondays too, which forces me to budget my energy for the whole day.

No, Mondays aren't my problem.

But Tuesdays...Tuesdays I put my guard down. It is on Tuesdays that you will find me without mascara, waiting in line at Taco Bell. Seriously, without fail, on the second day of the work week, I forget prior commitments and find myself floundering.

After realizing this ridiculous pattern in my life, I recall saying vehemently under my breath before a meeting "ASHLEY, CAN YOU GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER?!" Although, considering it was a Tuesday, it probably wasn't the word "act" that came out of my mouth...

Inevitably, the fact that I forgot to send that report and my hair is only half curled leads me to believe my entire life is a failure. Don't ask me how I make this astronomical leap. As a culture though, I think we love this concept of being a "hot mess".

/Hot Mess/ An attractive person, generally female, that repeatedly engages in situations which could negatively impact his or her social, mental, societal, and legal reputation.

The other day I tweeted "Sometimes the biggest thing that causes me to have a meltdown about how not-together my life is is my inability to find my sheet in my bed." Somehow this warranted, not just one or two, but many "favorites" from twitter users I have never met. Mostly, in Japan.

Despite our affection for faux pas in a seemingly normal person's life, this grace does not always extend to Christians. Whether or not self-inflicted, it's as though the world expects perfection from those who call themselves "Christians." Even worse, fellow believers hold one another to such a high standard that a simple slip-up seems earth-shatteringly detrimental.

In a reminiscent conversation with an old friend, I laughed about something rude I once said to him. Apologetically I said, "Thank God I'm not who I once was." He responded, "But I thought you've always been a Christian."

Yup, he meant exactly what he said: because I knew Christ, I had no excuse to act the way I did.

This exchange made me feel as though I only deserve grace when I'm doing things right. That entire thought process is a contradiction in terms, as "grace", by definition, is "unmerited."

I'll be the first to confess to you: I have no idea what I want to do with my life (seriously, one day I want to be a farm-stay and the next, a New York City executive). Sometimes I'm rude to people without meaning to be. Sometimes I forget to send things on time. And I usually wait until I'm totally out of underwear to do any laundry.

My life is not 100% together. But that has more to do with the fact that I'm a human than it does that I'm a Christian.

I know this because, even though man often expects perfection, God doesn't. Nowhere does the bible say "Being perfect makes you holy."

At first glance, Proverbs 4 (and passages of the like) may seem like they could cause my entire argument to crumble. The section lists a few dos and don'ts, summed up with:"Keep my commands, and you will live." Rather than stringent guidelines, however, this section of scripture allows the reader room to "seek". Verse 5 doesn't say "be wise already", it says "seek wisdom." The freedom to grow is built into God's call for our obedience. How beautiful.

I think this applies to every aspect of our lives as Christ-followers. My pastor often uses the phrase "We're not better because we have Christ, we're better off".

Seeking righteousness in Christ doesn't require me to have a 5-Year Plan, a perfect filter on my mouth, permanent smile, or even a flawless Tuesday.

This is not an attempt to justify my laziness or bad habits. But it's the truth.

If you haven't seen/read Silver Linings Playbook, please do so immediately.