The internet can’t seem to stop talking about Miley Cyrus’ racy performance at the VMAs on Sunday. Before you scroll to the next thing on your timeline, I will not be offering my own opinion on her “cry for help” or the “blurred lines” of male/female standards. Honestly, I don’t care at all. Sure, I love me some Hannah Montana (true story) and long for the days when the most controversial thing Miley did was kiss her Zombie High co-star.
The issue I see goes way beyond whose performance was better at the VMAs or which teenage pop star turned crazier. For some reason, the thing that struck me the most out of all of this hub-bub is the same thing that has bothered me since quite a young age: modesty.
Mean Girls is daily quoted in my life. In the wise words of Ms. Norbury, “you all have got to stop calling each other sluts and whores. It just makes it okay for guys to call you sluts and whores”. I also don’t want this to turn into a bashing session of my female comrades. We ladies need to stick together.
I have been removed from the dating world for quite some time and so the past few months have been a learning process for me, trudging through life’s messiness with my boyfriend, Adam. The first thing you should know about Adam is that he lives under a rock so he’s none-the-wiser about Miley’s foam finger or even that there was an award show on Sunday night. The second thing you should know about him is that he is sweetly candid (notice how I chose notto say “painfully”).
In his truest form, he explained to me what it was like to go back to a college campus this fall where, in the heat of summer and the thrill of going out, girls dress rather scarcely. Especially in light of today’s fashions—crop tops, bandeaus, denim cut-offs—the first day of school surely included the best skin-bearing outfits Urban Outfitters had to offer. Though the following ideas he shared with me were not new by any means (in the church or elsewhere), I sat a little shell-shocked.
1) When women dress in a way that accentuates their bodies, they become objects.
2) As someone who has chosen purity, it serves as a distraction for Adam (and surely, other dudes).
3) Furthermore, it sometimes makes girls lose their humanity. As “objectification”, by definition, means “treating a person as a thing, without regard to their dignity”, I’m pretty sure “loss of humanity” is one-in-the-same.
Adam cares about people. He cares about their very souls. So for him to say that, made me realize that he is certainly not the only man who thinks that. Even of “holy” men.
As romantic as the notion “I only have eyes for you” is, can I really blame him when girls are willingly bearing all just on the way to class?
As someone who is somewhat curvier, it’s no secret that I have other reasons for not wearing crop tops. But I know how to dress for my figure, flattering it instead of showing it off. In our conversation, Adam nicely complimented the way I dress, saying it is not a source of “stumbling.” However, even I have had Adam or other great guy friends recommend that I don’t lean over in a certain blouse etc.
From this, I can conclude that “objectification” is both brought on and prevented by both parties.
Ladies, it takes awareness on our parts. I think some girls innocently dress scantily out of ignorance for the effect it has on men. On the flip-side, there’s Hanna on Pretty Little Liars, who wants her boyfriend to sleep with her in order to feel desirable because of a body-complex. So ladies, I implore you, if you don’t want men to think of you as an object, don’t dress like one. Either way, men still find you attractive when you dress somewhat modestly. Moreover, they actually see you.
Men, seek men with whom you can talk candidly about struggles. Want to go one step further? Tell your female friends, girlfriends, sisters to pull down the skirt or put on a cardigan. They’ll appreciate that you want to look them in the eyes while talking.
I don’t think any girl is thinking “I should act like Miley Cyrus to get attention from guys” but the objectification is no less when women openly flaunt their bodies. And when I hear songs like “The Dress Looks Nice on You” by Sufjan Stevens, I don’t imagine a side-cut-out mini dress. I imagine something flowery and simple. As a result, he describes the girl as full of life, not full of sex.
